I don’t expect much from modern Star Wars movies. Give me some fun Jedi shit, a few neat spaceships, and a couple interesting new creatures and generally keep things moving I’ll gladly fork over $15 and a couple hours of my time. That’s why I think Rise of Skywalker is the best Star Wars movie since the original trilogy. It gave me what I needed within the context of the hand it had been dealt.
I’ve come to think of that hand as the Straight of Stink. Here are the cards:
- The Ten of This Should’ve Been Done Twenty Damn Years Ago.
- The Jack of Finn and Poe are Useless and Boring.
- The Queen of Disney Needs More Money.
- The King of Why Did They Try So Hard to Recreate The Original Trilogy Instead of Building Upon It?
- And most importantly, the Ace of Who the Fuck Watched the Original Trilogy and Thought This Bullshit Would Be What Happens Next?
If Han Solo were dealt that hand in a game of sabacc he’d fold that shit so damn fast.
So many of the decisions that went into the grander arc of this trilogy make so little sense. Am I really supposed to believe that Luke Skywalker, a man who preferred to die rather than kill his Space Hitler father, would ever even consider murdering his nephew in cold blood because of a mere vision? That Han Solo would ever lose the Millennium Falcon? That the fledgling New Republic wouldn’t rally all of its resources to squash the Empire-inspired First Order at the first sign of trouble?
I was as excited for Rise of Skywalker as a fun movie as I was because it meant the end of this bullshit. The old Expanded Universe taught me that there’s room for a ton of enthralling, logical stories that introduce beloved new characters in that Star Wars universe. We’re talking about a whole damn galaxy, after all. There are a lot of worse ways to spend a few hours in the theater, but hopefully the conclusion of the sequel trilogy–combined with the success of the excellent The Mandalorian–means the property can finally move on to better things.