Plague Diary, Day 5: 3/18/20

Happy Awkward Moments Day!

With times looking lean for families across America due to lost work, officials throughout the government are promising all adults a $1000 bailout check. Even staunch conservatives like Donald Trump and Mitt Romney are behind the plan. Funny how when things get tough we leave capitalism cowering in the corner so Crazy Uncle Socialism can save the day. Talk about awkward.

Cutting everyone a check which they have to take to the bank in the middle of a pandemic sounds ill-advised, however. Can I have mine through direct deposit? I don’t need to get sick from some nasty ATM touchscreen covered in pizza grease and bat flu.

Thing is, one $1000 check isn’t really going to cut it for the people who need it most. That shit either needs to get bigger or it needs to happen every few weeks.

What else?

I tripled my investment on some Blue Apron option calls yesterday. I’d be up nine times the principle today if I’d held onto it, but that jump felt heavily fueled by speculation rather than actual results so I took my profits like the spineless coward that I am.

Social distancing jokes are officially over as of 2:20 pm this afternoon. No more.

After watching the first several episodes through Hulu I now blame Ancient Aliens for opening the door to all the stupid, fact denying bullshit that’s fucked up the last ten years. This shit is all Giorgio Tsoukalas’s fault.

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