Plague Diary, Day 18

Despite warnings from nearly every smarty pants, meme celebrity, and decent politician in the land, there are still those out there who insist on gathering in large groups. Policing these dumbasses means expending resources that could be better used elsewhere.

As one of the most brilliant thinkers of our time, I have a solution: let’s choose an otherwise unused chunk of land in the middle of nowhere, surround it with a huge fucking fence, and allow these people to build their own little quarantine-free civilization. Once you enter, you can’t leave until this is all over. You will not receive any help or assistance from any entity that does not also choose to migrate and stay there and your voting rights are suspended. Do whatever the fuck you want and let’s see how well your dumb bullshit actually goes.

I’ve wanted to give libertarians this option for a long time.

What else?

Researchers now claim that Antarctica was once home to an ancient rainforest. Those old X-Men comics about the Savage Land are getting more realistic by the day.

I mixed Target and Dunkin Donuts coffee grounds this morning and I’m worried the combination will cause spontaneous growth of a Rascal scooter and a NASCAR hat and send me careening down the street with a giant mug of Dr. Pepper in search of multiple 36-packs of cheap toilet paper.

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