Wrestlemania weekend’s finally here! Wooo!
WWE’s pending Showcase of the Immortals will be a two-night, ten-hour pretaped show hosted by Rob Gronkowski featuring crowdless matches in their Florida training facility and cinematic gimmick matches recorded in other, stranger settings. John Cena, for instance, will face the Fiend in the Firefly Funhouse while AJ Styles and the Undertaker will square off in a boneyard because WWE’s marketing department is afraid to use the word cemetery right now.
I’m glad we’ll have a Wrestlemania this year, but more interesting than the show itself will be how WWE positions it within its ongoing narrative. Few live entertainment companies are as up their own ass about their history. Years from now, will they sweep this slapped together show under the rug like they have so many others that weren’t up to snuff, or will they hold it up as a shining example of the company’s ability to take lemons and crank out epic moments even under the worst circumstances?
As far as I’m concerned, the latter can only be true if Otis wipes the floor with Dolph Ziggler and wins Mandy Rose back.
Tom Brady has moved to Tampa. He’s renting Derek Jeter’s mansion. I thought I smelled burning jerseys when I woke up this morning.
The Patriots team jet, meanwhile, traveled to China on behalf of Governor Charlie Baker to pick up a shipment of N95 masks. Not listened on the cargo manifest: a trio of Chinese masseuses. Horrible jokes aside, major kudos to the Krafts for stepping up on this one.
Chicken wings might be about to get real cheap if you want to stock up.