When I heard someone had declared WWE an essential business I knew immediately it was those whack jobs in Florida. They’ll be adding Scientology services, Disneyland, and MLM seminars to the list soon enough.
I love my wrestling, but this shit ain’t essential. And yet…I do think entertainers willing to separate themselves from the general population and continue their work to give us all something else to think about are useful to social distancing efforts. Maybe getting to watch Baron Corbin squash Apollo Crews in an empty arena gives families a chance to bond, or provides someone a reprieve from their malaise, or keeps someone who doesn’t know they’re infected from breathing all over the oranges at Star Market. You need to have both the bread and the circus, you know?
That doesn’t change the fact that calling WWE essential is dumb. That is, in fact, one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard. It’s right up there with “the free market will fix it!” and “well, Dr. Pol, my cow’s been in labor for the last twelve hours but I didn’t think I’d need to call you.” But just because something isn’t essential doesn’t mean it isn’t useful. In fact, I’d argue that should be a designation all its own.
I’ve spent so little money this month that my credit card company is emailing me to let me know how much credit I have available. That seems desperate, and kind of off putting. Maybe too much of our economy is based on luxury items we don’t really need? Nah, that couldn’t possibly be a problem!
I am giving serious consideration to starting a religion centered on buffalo wings and opening a Hooters in one of those states that’s still considering church services essential.